A sharp rise in reports of alleged animal poisonings across the country has prompted concern among local communities, amateur Facebook detectives, and that one lad from Ballygobshite who believes every dead sheep is evidence of an international conspiracy. But according to leading veterinary specialists at the Irish Institute for Rural Sanity, the vast majority of these “suspicious poisonings” have a far less sinister explanation: their owners are manky bastards who wouldn’t

Ireland’s favourite full-time shiteposter and part-time sheep stalker has been hard at work this week, bravely exposing what he claims are vast money-laundering operations. According to our resident conspiracy politician, vape shops, phone repair places, and barbers are all fronts for international crime, political manipulation, and shadowy cabals rubbing their hands together over beard oil and cracked iPhone screens. It’s a bold theory, delivered with the usual Facebook Live

* Every so often, the Shitehawk Sentinel mailbag delivers another gem from the Fap Right, Ireland’s finest collection of half-evolved bollock-draggers who spend their days hallucinating threats and their nights spreading hate on the internet with the grace of a cow tap-dancing on a Nokia keypad. This week’s gift came from a lad convinced we are two men he knows. For privacy reasons, we will call them Igor and Tonio. We are honestly delighted he thinks that, because if these g